Summary: They woke up naked and married. From a prompt by Emrinalexander. Slight spoilers for Unsafe.

Warnings: Rated R. m/m.

It took longer than it probably should have for Clark to realize he wasn't alone, but then, whatever he'd done last night hadn't exactly left him feeling his sharpest.

He frowned. "What are you doing in my hotel room, Lex? In my bed?"

"According to this," Lex waved a piece of paper under his nose, "being married to you."

Clark lifted the covers and peeked underneath. "We're naked."

"I kind of think that goes with the 'being married' thing, Clark."

Clark looked around wildly, and God! This wasn't even his hotel room. It was the honeymoon suite, all red velvet and gold gilt. He recognized it from the last time he'd...

"Shit!" He leaped up from bed and remembered, a second too late to save his dignity, that he was naked.

He yanked the bedspread off the bed, wound it around his waist and paced the pink shag carpet, a crimson satin train trailing behind him. He did his best to ignore the obvious bridal allusion.

"Try not to panic," Lex said, his tone unreasonably calm.

"I knew we shouldn't have come to Vegas," Clark muttered. "Vegas is...bad."

Lex had said it would be fun, just the two of them. They'd do some gambling, take in some shows, have a good laugh at the tacky spectacle of it all. Of course, there had been no need to spell out the real purpose of the trip. Spend time together, try to repair their friendship, get close again. Well, they'd certainly succeeded at that.

"I knew we shouldn't have had all those Flaming Ming Dragons," Lex countered. "An acceptable cocktail does not have smoke coming off it. Remember when I said that? And you insisted that in the spirit of adventure..."

Clark stopped in his tracks. "Oh, God!" It was starting to come back to him now, parts of it anyway.

The Flaming Ming Dragons had been served in glasses decorated with shiny red stones meant to resemble rubies, stones that had glowed suspiciously when Clark lifted his glass...

He shook his head sadly. "My parents are going to kill me." Then he realized how that might sound and hurried to assure Lex, "Not because-- It's not you--" He sighed. "They just have this sanctity thing."

"There's no reason why they have to know anything about this," Lex sensibly pointed out.

Clark relaxed a little at that thought. "That's true. I mean, we didn't..." Married or not, he couldn't bring himself to actually say that to Lex. "And if we didn't, that means we can just get an annulment and--"

"Actually," Lex shifted his body, a flash of discomfort crossing his face, "I don't think we can."

Clark stared. "You mean--"

"Apparently, we spent last night making our connubial arrangement official."

Clark was starting to feel dizzy. So he hadn't just married his friend. He'd-- Not that he remembered any of it. That was the truly terrifying part. Who knew what he might have done under the influence?

He crossed the room and knelt by the side of the bed, slowly slid the sheet down Lex's body, his hand shaking. There were bruises all over Lex's hips. Of course, he knew how they'd gotten there--there couldn't be any other explanation--but he still felt the need to line up his fingers with the marks on Lex's pale skin, a perfect fit, proof positive that he was the culprit.

He swallowed hard, could barely even get out the words, "God, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

Lex's gaze was steady and reassuring. "Just the usual degree of soreness, Clark. Nothing to worry about."

Clark frowned. Usual?

"And if these sheets are indication," Lex added, "I seem to have enjoyed myself quite a bit."

Usual? Clark was still having trouble getting past that.

Lex apparently mistook his stunned silence for guilt, because he reached for him and kissed him soundly. "Trust me, Clark. Whatever we did, I liked it."

Clark continued to stare, feeling like a simpleton. The usual, and Lex liked it, and...he didn't know where to go from there.

Lex took his hand and squeezed it. "Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry--" His mouth fell open, and he went absolutely still, staring wide-eyed at Clark's hand, then his own. "Good God! What is that?" For the first time since they'd woken up naked and married, Lex appeared genuinely alarmed.

Their matching rings had a sort of love-knot design, made of silver and copper and, Clark squinted, was that turquoise?

"I guess we picked them out together?" he ventured.

Lex had the shell-shocked look of someone who'd just witnessed a crime. "I didn't get drunk last night. I went blind."

Clark would have assured Lex that he still had impeccable taste, their god-awful symbols of devotion notwithstanding, if he hadn't had more pressing concerns on his mind. "What are we going to do?"

Lex managed to tear his gaze away from the travesty on his finger and fixed Clark with a speculative look. "If it were up to me?"

Clark nodded

"We'd order room service and spend the rest of the weekend in bed reaping the benefits of marriage. Then on Monday, I'll call my lawyers and arrange for a very quick, very quiet divorce."

Clark blinked. "You mean--"

"Sex, Clark," Lex said patiently. "I mean sex. Morally irreproachable married sex, and as much of it as we can possibly squeeze into the next forty-eight hours."

There was a sudden, unnerving flare of heat in Clark's cheeks and...well, other places. Lex made it sound so simple, and he knew it probably wasn't, but he couldn't help feeling that he'd gotten gypped the last time he'd made a mockery of marriage.

Lex watched him intently as he went round and round in feverish internal debate, and finally he said stiffly, "That's fine, Clark. If you don't want to--"

"No! It's not that. It's just--" He took a deep breath.

Oh, hell. Why couldn't something just be easy for once? He stood up and let the bedspread fall to the floor. Lex opened his mouth and closed it again. Maybe he wanted to ask if Clark was sure, but he was staring so hard it seemed to take all his attention.

"Are you going to move over?" Clark asked, with what he hoped was a flirtatious smile.

It took a moment for Lex to collect himself, and then he made room, and Clark slipped in beside him. They lay there side by side, and now that Clark was actually in bed, poised to have sex, whatever feeble confidence he'd had deserted him. Lex seemed to be entertaining hesitations of his own, and long, mortifying seconds ticked by. Clark had to wonder if sex was always this awkward, or only when you woke up married.

At last, Lex cleared his throat. "So...room service?"

"Room service," Clark eagerly agreed, glad for anything that might take his mind off his embarrassment.

Lex fished the menu out of the bedside drawer and fumbled with the phone. "Yes, I'd like two All American breakfasts." He glanced over at Clark. "Make that three. And a bottle of Dom Perignon, properly chilled."

He hung up, and Clark raised an eyebrow at him. "Champagne?"

Lex shrugged. "Why not? This is a new matrimonial achievement for me, however short-lived it may be. I've known you longer than two months, and we've been married for," he picked up the license, then glanced over at the clock, "a good ten hours now, and to my knowledge, you haven't tried to kill me once. That's cause for celebration, don't you think?"

Clark had no idea why this was the thing that made it all real, or why it had taken this long to sink in. But now that it had, all he could do was stare.

Lex's forehead creased. "What?"

"It's--- nothing. Just--" He couldn't help smiling like a dork. "You're my husband."

Lex went still, as if the idea was just hitting him too, and then he was on Clark, hard and fast, kissing with the sharp-edged focus he gave things that really mattered to him. Clark sighed and kissed back. Naked and in bed and going to have sex, and he couldn't for the life of him remember why this had ever been anything but unbearably exciting. He ran his hand down Lex's side, over his hip, the warm, bare skin sliding beneath his fingers, and he had the sudden, dizzying thought. This was all his. Lex was his.

He must have said it out loud, because Lex whispered in his ear, "That's right. And you can do anything to me."

"God!" Clark moaned.

There was so much he wanted, and Lex said he could, anything.

When the noise started, an insistent banging, he paid no attention. It didn't have anything to do with Lex, and Lex was the only thing that mattered at the moment.

"Clark," Lex said between kisses, "We should--"

Oh yes, they should. Clark was in perfect agreement, and he pulled Lex closer, kissed him harder. Still, the noise didn't stop. In fact, it kept getting louder, until finally it was just impossible to ignore.

He pulled his mouth away from Lex's just long enough to yell, "Go away!" Then went back to his fevered kissing.

"Clark." Lex braced his hands on his shoulders. "That's room service."

He kissed his way along Lex's jaw. "Tell them to get their own husband."

"You wanted breakfast, remember?"

"Maybe tomorrow." He licked Lex's throat.

The knocking grew more determined.

Lex gave Clark a deep, wet consolation kiss and pulled out of his arms. "I'll be right back."

"Hey!" But then the sight of Lex naked, aroused, padding over to the closet for the complimentary robe, knocked whatever else he was going to say right out of his head.

Lex pulled on the robe and turned back around, giving Clark a good look before sashing the belt. He headed for the door, and then Clark could hear some murmured talk with the room service guy. A few moments later Lex returned with two flutes of champagne.

He stopped near the foot of the bed. "I thought we should have a toast." He held out a glass to Clark.

Clark pushed himself up onto one elbow. He weighed his changes of getting Lex to skip the niceties and just get on with the good stuff. But then, Lex did have a formal streak. He sighed heavily, kicked off the covers and got up. At least he had the satisfaction of seeing Lex sweat at the sight of him naked.

"What should we drink to?" he asked.

Lex raised his glass. "To a long friendship and a happy marriage, however brief it may be."

Clark smiled and clinked glasses, took a sip. "That's good." He drank the rest of it and set the glass on the dresser.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," Lex said, with dry amusement, savoring his own champagne.

Clark took the glass out of his hand and kissed him. "I want you." He ripped the robe from Lex's body, the thick terrycloth turning to threads in his hands.

Lex gasped, his eyes going wide.

"Even if it is a brief marriage, I still want it to be an honest one," Clark told him.

He gathered Lex into his arms and blurred them both onto the bed, landing with Lex beneath him.

"God, Clark." Lex twined his fingers into his hair and pulled him down for a kiss that was part awe, part gratitude, along with a great deal of pentup lust.

Clark kissed him back and ran his hands over his chest and licked at a nipple.

"Don't stop!" Lex begged. "I don't want you to stop."

Clark smiled and rubbed his cheek against his belly. "You know, I think maybe that is one of my abilities."

Lex sucked in his breath, and Clark started to string kisses lower.

"We might need to reconsider that quick divorce idea," Lex said in a strained voice.

Clark smiled. He'd just been thinking the same thing. It was nice to see how compatible he and his husband were.